Misunderstandings
by loofahlover
Summary: By this time, the crew had been attracted to the deck, and they were staring at that wrist. There was one word circulating through their heads, which was quickly stamped down by objections of 'He would never' And 'This idiot' And reluctantly, 'Why'. Takes place after Fishman Island. T for language, mentions of suicide.
1. The Signs

**Note: I have to apologize. When I started this story, I didn't think it would be this dark.**

**BUT IT'S PRETTY DARK.**

**There's a lot of the theme of suicide in this story. Actually that's probably the whole premise. I'm not quite sure what to say without spoiling it, except that I hope you will give it a shot and read through the whole thing.**

**Also please review and let me know if I've been too insensitive with the subject of suicide. Thanks!**

The first sign of trouble was when Sanji was about to call everyone to lunch. He suddenly realized that a certain rubber idiot had failed to try pinching food for the whole morning.

The second sign was a faint, coppery smell. It tickled Chopper's nose, but he wasn't sure what he was smelling as he helped Usopp mix chemicals for his new projectiles. Then the smell became stronger, and Chopper stood up quickly: human blood. By that time, the demon's sixth sense in Zoro had also picked up the smell, yet he couldn't sense any bloodthirst on the Thousand Sunny, only a certain presence... He opened his eyes slightly, and waited.

The third and final sign. The door to the deck suddenly burst open. A tired, panting Luffy suddenly collapsed onto the grassy lawn, covered in blood. Chopper screamed and ran toward Luffy. Usopp screamed and started running around the ship, shouting about intruders.

Chopper started panicking, looking around frantically, "Doctor, doctor…WE NEED A DOCTOR HERE!"

"Isn't that you?!" Nami, who just came from the upper deck, karate chopped his head.

"Ah- you're right!" Chopper turned into human form and flipped Luffy over, then switched into Brain Point and searched for signs of trauma. He looked over the boy's right arm…and froze. Several fresh cuts adorned the inside of his arm and wrist, like…he couldn't be. Like he had been slicing across his flesh with a sharp knife.

By this time, the crew had been attracted to the deck, and they were staring at that wrist. There was one word circulating through their heads, which was quickly stamped down by objections of _He would never!_ And _This idiot?_ And reluctantly, _Why?_


	2. Franky's Reaction

Frank was the last to arrive on the deck. He had been manning the helm, taking in the sunny sky and the sparkling sea. He watched Usopp run by, screaming about invaders. He reluctantly left the wheel, wanting to quickly ask his Captain what the hell was going on.

He was also the first to snap. "You idiot! Baka shithead! I never signed up to join a crew with an, an idiot, a shitty coward like you!" Zoro and Sanji barely managed to hold him back from punching Luffy. They held him fast for a few seconds until he gave up and started bawling from the top of his lungs. "You idiot~~~~~~! You should have said something you~~~ waaaaaaaah!"


	3. Chopper's Reaction

"In any case, first we need to stop the bleeding." Chopper retrieved some gauze and bandages from his knapsack, moving quickly to staunch the trickling blood flow, all the while ignoring the shaking in his hooves. "It's fine, he hasn't severed a major artery, so he's in no immediate danger." Yet his internal thoughts were racing. _Luffy would never do this, he wouldn't. He was strong, so strong and so cool and he was Chopper's hero! And he was going to be pirate king! He would never do this…right?_ The process of bandaging his Captain and checking his condition, helped him avoid thinking about this any further.


	4. Robin's Reaction

Robin had been reading a book, sitting on the upper deck with Nami, when the commotion happened. She had been reading up on the legends of the New World, unconfirmed stories that drifted about the sea. She had been smiling quietly, thinking about how her Captain would likely crash through each of these legends and determine whether or not they had actually been true. But now, as she stared at the pale youth before her, breathing heavily, blood staining the white bandages on his thin wrists, she found it difficult to think coherently. _Why? How?_ The facts were staring her right in the face. She had always been a firm believer of the truth, of cold hard reality. But she had also recently come to believe in the intangible, of friendship and loyalty and the possibility of being together forever. But most importantly, of survival. That was what her nakama had taught her, that no matter the situation, no matter the tragic past they had endured, they were survivors, and that they could survive anything for the sake of being together. That was what her captain, her Luffy had taught her. He had never lost to his enemies. He had always come crawling back, taking the thoughts of "impossible" and "weak" and smashing it into their faces. He was, to Robin, the meaning of eternal.

So how had they come to this situation, where Robin seemed to be watching her captain bleed before her very eyes? Normally she would have said something in a glib, neutral tone, "I hope the Captain doesn't bleed to death." But not this time. This time she couldn't comprehend, refused to accept it. Most of all, she was afraid to say it out loud, for fear it might actually be true.


	5. Usopp and Nami's Reaction

Usopp, who had finally returned to the deck and took in the situation, suddenly spoke up. "Could it be…" he said cautiously, "that he's really not over it?" Not to give Luffy any excuses, because Usopp was usually the one in charge of those. But he had to understand. Because this wasn't the usual Captain. And there was only one thing that could throw his Captain out of the usual.

_Ace._

"I won't accept it!" Nami stood with his back to her captain, shoulders hunched.

"But you know," Usopp reasoned, flailing his arms around, "we haven't talked about it at all since we've come back together. I mean, sure it's been two years and all, and he seemed totally fine when we were on Fishman island, but…that kind of thing." Usopp's arms dropped in resignation. "It's really not something you can get over, is it?"

"Like I care."

"What the hell are you saying, Nami!"

"I'm saying if it were really such a big deal, he should have said something!" She turned around, angry tears pouring from her eyes. "I'm saying that idiot shouts and carries on every single day, talking about stupid crap, making weird people part of our crew and capturing weird animals for pets and making enemies out of Yonkou; it's enough to drive me up the walls! He tells me everything, more than I ever want to hear, so why-" Nami's shoulders start shaking, "if Ace was so important to him, if he was still hurting so much, then why wouldn't he say anything!"

"...That's right." Usopp started sobbing. He started shaking Luffy's shoulders, much to Chopper's protests. "Luffy! You can tell us anything you know! We know you're still sad! We know you still regret it, not saving Ace!...We've gotten stronger, you know! We trained hard these two years just so we could shoulder all those feelings with you! So talk to us! Don't, don't do this to yourself, ok?" Usopp screamed in his face, bawling.

Chopper pulled on Usopp's hands, trying to yank them off of Luffy. "Quit it, you'll make the bleeding worse," tears streaming from his own face.


	6. Brook's Reaction

_8-21 edit: just rewrote this chapter because Brook felt too weird and random._

Brook had been keeping watching from the crow's nest, composing a new tune that would match this perfectly sunny day. When he heard the noise outside, and saw his Captain lying on the grass, he catapulted himself toward the deck with a "LUFFY-SAAAAN~!" He rammed into the railing, the impact softened by his afro. He quickly got up and walked over to where everyone was, crying and screaming, and saw the blood. He only briefly registered the words "coward" and "Ace" and "don't do this to yourself". He couldn't move, couldn't move his legs toward his Captain, couldn't move his jaw to talk to his Captain. He thought of the previous Captain Yorki, bless his soul, and his dying words on that bedside. But Brook paused, because this wasn't the same. This wasn't a death full of regrets that he was looking at. This was a death chosen out of will. This wasn't his Captain.

"Yohohohoooo~! By all means, Usopp-san, if it is sadness and pain that Captain is feeling, then it is the job of the ship's musician to lift his spirits, is it not? Featuring the new song I just came up with for this wonderful day, "Sunny We Go!" He started waltzing around the deck, ignoring the shouts and screams that this was the inappropriate time to do so.

_Luffy-san,_ Brook inwardly said. _I know you are holding pain inside, and even though I would do anything to help you, I can't do a thing until you share it with us. But you know, humans are fragile. They only have one life. And once their life ends, everything's over. Well, except me, because I'm already dead. Yohoho, skull joke~!...Though now that I think about it, you're the only one who has always laughed at my skull jokes._

_If it's music you want, I have decades of ideas ready for you. If it's comfort, these bony arms are ready and waiting! If it's my life, I'd offer it up in a hurry. It's been yours from the start. Anything is yours, if only I could help you this time around._

_So please tell me what I should do, Luffy-san. _Brooke continued twirling around recklessly on the deck, tears silently gathering in his empty eye sockets.


	7. The Explanation

Luffy could hear muffled voices, ranging from angry to sad to hysterical. Slowly he recognized them to be coming from his nakama. He groggily opened his eyes. "Whass goin' on?"

"Luffy!" Chopper tried talking, but his words were muffled by his sobbing.

"You idiot! What were you thinking?! A tear-stained Nami starts slapping him repeatedly on the face.

Luffy tries to shield himself weakly with his arms, then stops when he sees the bandages on his wrist. "Ah, you bandaged it up for me. Thanks, Chopper!"

"Ba-ba-baka! What were you thinking, getting those injuries in the first place?!" Chopper shouted through angry sobs.

"Yeah," Luffy said ruefully, "I guess in the end, I wasn't strong enough."

"You idiot!" Usopp screamed. "It's times like this that you're supposed to rely on us!"

"Eh? Why would I need to rely on you guys?" Luffy tilted his head in confusion.

"Be-be-because isn't that what nakama are for?" Usopp nervously laughed. Something wasn't right.

"No way! This is something I have to do myself!" Luffy stood up suddenly, then started to wobble on his feet from lack of blood. Franky quickly supported him by the shoulders, his face stiff with conflicting emotions

"You- can't you see what you're doing?" Nami shouted, rubbing at her eyes furiously. "You're hurting everyone around you with your stupidity!"

"What are you talking about! The only one I'm hurting here is myself!"

Nami stopped, then raise a hand to slap Luffy when-

"Alright, alright." Zoro finally got up from his spot by the railing, having been acutely absent from the chaos. "Luffy, I think there's been a misunderstanding."

"Huh, what do you mean, Zoro?"

"Well, what do you think our-" Zolo lightly pokes at the side of Luffy's face with the hilt of his sword. "Idiot Captain has been doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?!" Nami and Luffy shout simultaneously. "I've/he's been-"

"TRYING TO COMMIT SUICIDE!"

"PRACTICING MY BUSOSHOKU!"

"..."

A silence falls over the deck. Then, "HAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH?" Everybody stands back in shock.

"Geez, it's because you can't explain anything properly that this happens." Zoro scratches his head.

Robin silently agrees. "Luffy, I think you need to start from the beginning."

"The beginning? Huh, let's see…" He shrugs himself off of Franky to cross his arms. "Well, I've been thinking since we left Fishman island. Busoshoku haki's pretty good with punches and direct blows and stuff, but I still can't protect myself from sharp stuff."

"Sharp stuff?" Chopper's face lights up. The relief on his face is obvious. "You mean like that time with Hody?"

"Yep, yep! Man, fishmen have really strong teeth. My haki barely helped at all!"

"Yeeeah, but Hody was probably an abnormally strong fishman." Franky pondered, rubbing his chin.

"Besides, if you hadn't used your haki, you entire side might have been missing," Robin chimed in. Usopp blanched at the idea.

"But still, that's why I have to get stronger." Luffy stated, clenching his fists. "I can't always dodge, so I need armor. I gotta be stronger, strong enough that I can defend against anything, doesn't matter how sharp it is."

"Luffy." Zoro suddenly said.

"Yeah, Zoro." Luffy quickly stuck his arm out and shouted, "BUSOSHOKU!" right before Zoro's blade came thudding onto Luffy's left arm. Everybody except the two and Robin screamed.

"Wha-wha-what are you doing, you violent marimo!" Sanji quickly attempted to kick at Zoro's head, the first thing he's said the whole time.

"Obviously I was trying to test him, you shitty dartboard!" Zoro screams as he dodges, before looking over at his Captain.

"Awwww man," Luffy frowns, looking at the new bleeding cut on his arm. "I couldn't defend against that either." His arm is quickly pulled down by a hysterical Chopper, who bandages the new wound.

Zoro wipes off the blade with his shirt, then puts it back in its sheath. "The reason your right arm is so bloodied up, is probably because you were conflicted. You were telling your right arm to defend and your left arm to attack with the knife. That's why the cuts were deeper than just now."

"Yeah, that makes sense," Luffy pondered. "Rayleigh always told me my weakness was multi-tasking. But," Luffy sighs, "that's no excuse for just now."

"Heh, but it wasn't bad, Captain. I was really trying to cut your arm off."

"Shishishi, that's encouraging. Though I think if there were any bloodthirst in you at the moment, it would be a different story!"

"Probably." Zoro starts laughing with Luffy, making the rest of the crew sweatdrop and think, _these two are crazy_.

"So Luffy," Chopper interrupts, "You were using a knife to practice busoshoku on yourself?"

"That's right!" Luffy smiles triumphantly.

"Then why- why did you choose this specific place to cut yourself with?" _What if subconsciously, he did actually want to hurt himself? What if the knife had gone a little too far…?_

"Ah, well, when I picked up the knife and looked around my body, I thought I'd try aim for my stomach, but then I thought, what if I stab too hard and my stomach falls out, and I won't be able to eat again?! (Usopp chops at his head, saying, "eating should be the least of your worries at that point!") and then I tried standing on one leg and chopping at my leg but I kept losing balance before I could do anything, so then it seemed that my other arm was the easiest to hack at. "

"But the wrist! Why the wrist, Luffy!" Chopper started shaking Luffy's pants.

Luffy sensed the urgency in Chopper's voice and merely grinned. "Well, it seemed that the weakest part of my arm was my wrist, so I thought that if I successfully protect the weakest part of me, then I'd be invincible!"

"I see. I'm so glad, Luffy." Chopper jumped up and wrapped his tiny arms around Luffy's shoulders, fresh tears of relief streaming down his face. "But you know Luffy, there are a lot of important arteries in your wrist, and if you cut too hard, then you can actually die!" He clutched onto Luffy.

"Really?!" Luffy yelled in shock. "I didn't know that! Sorry, Chopper, I'll be more careful next time."

"Oy, oy, don't tell me there's actually gonna be a next time!" Usopp sighed, his arms at his hips.

"Obviously, this is Luffy we're talking about," Nami said, shaking her head. "Geez, I can't believe I ever thought this idiot would commit suicide."

"Suicide? Are you an aho? I'm gonna be the pirate king! How can I do that if I'm dead?!"

"Geez, there you go again." Nami laid her head on Luffy's shoulder. If he noticed his shirt getting a little damper, he didn't say anything.

"Yohoho~, now that we have cleared up that little misunderstanding, it's time for an encore of my brand new song, "Sunny We Go!"

"Shishishi, I heard it, Brook, when I was asleep!"

"Ara, did you, Luffy-san? That makes my heart swell with pride~! Not that I have a heart. Rubber skull joke, yohohoho~!"

"Eh, rubber skull? Isn't your skull made of bone? Silly Brook!"

"Ah! Isn't that right; normal skull joke, yohohohoho~~~!"

*Sniff, sniff* "You bastards, you guys are SUPER idiots, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~"

*Hey, Luffy, stop moving around, you're going to make yourself bleed again!"

"Shishishi, guess I gotta listen, doctor's orders, right?"

"Wha- geez, making it sound all professional like that doesn't make me happy at all, bakayaro~"

And the tension on the deck finally dissolved in laughter.

**Note: as for the reasons why Luffy ended up choosing his arm, and why he couldn't just sit down or lead against a wall to practice against his leg…That's just now his train of thought works.**


	8. Zoro's Reply

Robin leaned against the railing, drinking in the scene with a warm smile on her face. "Swordsman-san," she called out to the napping man with the blood-stained shirt, who merely grunted in reply.

"Did you know the whole time?"

"More like I sensed it. If Luffy really had those kinds of thoughts, ero-cook and I would have known."

"Fufu, of course. I forget that Luffy's not the only one with haki."

"Besides…"

"Hmm?"

"You sensed it too, right? That it's impossible."

"…"

"Our Captain would never do that."

"…"

"Sometimes it's best to trust your gut with these kinds of things." And with that, Zoro went back to snoring within five seconds.

Robin surveyed the people in front of her, the crow's nest, the abandoned helm, the lion-shaped figurehead. The ship and its crew were made of dreams; they were the very opposite of rational thought. "I suppose so."


	9. Sanji's Reaction

Sanji was pissed. Well, some people could argue that the cook was always pissed, mostly at a certainly rubber idiot. But it felt like his nerves had been stretched and shredded to their limits today.

Perhaps it was because he and a certain idiot had to spend an hour cleaning blood off the walls and floor.

Perhaps it was because, despite a certain idiot's laments that he wasn't yet strong enough, his favorite knife had become chipped and dull.

Perhaps it was another certain green-haired idiot had been talking to his beloved Robin-swaaaaan. And as he was walking back to the kitchen where the lunch he had labored over had gone cold, he heard snatches. "Ero-cook and I would have known." And he should have known. And yet…

_When he had gathered there with everyone, he should have known. But he doubted himself. Doubted that idea that some people would never change. And that doubt slowly turned into some other intangible emotion._

But not knowing what that emotion was irritated the hell out of him. And as he was busy cooking dinner and watched a certain Strawhat walk toward the fridge, he was ready to rain hell and brimstone upon that idiot's little head.

But then he watched Luffy pass the fridge (did he see right?) and head for the burner. Before Sanji could move, Luffy shouted "BUSOSHOKU!" and turned on the stove. Luffy observed the flames around his blacking shining arm a moment, then turned to his cook and shout gleefully, "Look Sanji, I'm fireproof!" Then he turned back around and screamed, realizing he had set his sleeve on fire.

Sanji sighed, and reached over to turn off the stove. Really, it was no wonder that misunderstandings like suicide came about. If it wasn't that, then people would probably think child abuse. He looked at the 19-year-old who looked more like a 14-year-old, blowing the burn on his already bandaged left arm. Yep. Child abuse. He grabbed the arm and dragged it over to the sink, spraying it with water. The feeling was slowly simmering in his chest. Cold, heavy.

"Ah, that feels good," Luffy exclaimed. "Hey, Sanji. I wonder what kind of island we're going to next!"

"Like I give a shit."

"Heh, I hope it's a hot one, like maybe one with a volcano!"

"A volcano? Why the- "Then Sanji stopped. Thoughts swirled in his head. Volcanoes. Magma. Searing flesh. Cries of pain. There had been enough misunderstandings today, so he wanted to make sure. "You want to learn how to block magma with your haki?"

"Yeah." Luffy resolutely stated. His smile faded, his eyes serious and far-off.

Sanji had almost hoped for a different answer, something the usually idiot would say like, _I wanna go fishing in a volcano!_ Or _I wanna take a volcano home as a pet!_ No, that was probably even beyond this idiot's level of idiocy. Even if they were preferable answers. The feeling was becoming clearer, when it suddenly snapped into place.

_Fear._ Fear for his Captain's life. Because regardless of the assurance that Luffy was not one to take his own life, he was, on the other hand, someone willing to put his life on the line. He was a bright flame, scorching hot and passionate, that charged recklessly into any situation at the expense of eventually suffocating himself into nothing. Normally, he aimed this passion at his enemies, his friends' enemies, those who would do wrong to innocent people. And his crew would be there to catch him when he inevitably collapsed into exhaustion, to make sure he bounced back smiling as boisterous as ever.

But what if his enemy was himself? What if deep down, he hadn't forgiven himself, hadn't been able to cope with the trauma back in Marineford? What if…the happy Captain in front of him ever decided to aim his hatred and anger toward himself? This kid had destroyed kingdoms, defeated gods, stood strong against the greatest forces in the world. If he ever decided to aim all that energy toward himself…Sanji inwardly cringed. He didn't know if there was anyone strong enough in the world to stop him.

"Ne, Sanji, how long am I supposed to keep my arm in the water, anyway?"

"Until I feel like it, you idiot." He jerked Luffy's arm back and returned to his chopping board. He reached for his second-favorite chopping knife, only pausing slightly before he returned to slicing cabbage. It was training, just training. The shitty marimo did it every day, didn't he? And if training could release some of Luffy's crazy energy, then perhaps he wouldn't trying stealing from the fridge every other hour. Sanji smirked, bringing a leg down on the straw hat as it attempted to stealthily move toward the fridge. Heh, at this rate, perhaps he needed more training. And yet…

He remembered the bloodied walls and floors, the nonchalance with which Luffy scrubbed at the blood – his own blood. He remembered the arm that was brought out into the air without a thought, waiting to be severed or burned to a crisp. He hadn't really registered it when Luffy had charged recklessly against Don Krieg, skewered by stakes and shaking from blood loss. He had thought it made sense that some men charge after dreams without regard to their life, because that dream was worth more than every fiber of their being.

_Are you still dreaming, Luffy? Is there still a good reason that you carelessly hurt yourself like this? _

_Can I still trust you?_

"Sanji, you all right?"

"Fine, fine." It was never the job of the Captain to worry about his cook. After all, Sanji was the cool professional, the one who only devoted his attention to the lovely ladies. He had to be in control. Because someone had to complement the reckless, violent, out-of-control Captain. "You hungry?"

"Yeah…" Luffy backed away slightly, wondering if this was some kind of trap, since those were usually his own words.

"Why don't you take something from the fridge."

"Eh?! Are you ok, Sanji?"

"I'm not. I'm going to be out-of-character for three seconds, then I'll go back to guarding the fridge with my life."

Luffy could smell an opportunity, especially when it involved food. He quickly yanked out a huge ham and stuffed it in his mouth, running and screaming, "Uthoph! Thoffer! Thanji's athcting weirf!"

Sanji's eyebrow twitched, then he resumed his cooking. He stifled down the thoughts that threatened to escape his mouth.

_Don't change._

_Please don't change, Luffy._

**Note: Wow, I didn't know I was this much of SanLu fan. I wrote this because though I don't think the situation is as bad as Sanji makes it out to be, I do think Luffy has changed on a fundamental level.**


	10. Extra: Law's Reaction

**Extra: 3 days later, as the Strawhats and Law are on their way to Dressrosa**

A shadow crosses Law's face as he observes the bandages on Luffy's right wrist. Certainly he had seen some strange things the past few days, and he had come to realize what a crazy, unpredictable man he had made an alliance with. But he had never once equated the words "attempted suicide" with Mugiwara-ya. He stared at the bandage, long enough that Mugiwara-ya noticed.

"Ah this? It's kind of a pain, but Chopper won't let me remove it yet."

"So the tanuki knows about it as well."

"Shishishi, yep!"

If Law was the kind of person who made conversation, he would have asked if there was anything Luffy wanted to get off his chest. If Law was the sentimental type, he would have given the boy a quick hug. But he is neither of the two. So he can only sit in silence and say nothing. _To each his own pain, I suppose._ And it was apparent from that brief time on Amazon Lily that Mugiwara-ya had enough pain to deal with.

"Oy, oy, Luffy, you're making a big misunderstanding again!" Usopp hangs an arm over Luffy's shoulders.

"Am I?" Luffy makes an innocent, doe-eyed expression.

_(one explanation later)_

Law sits still for a moment, his face obscured. Then he karate chops Luffy's face, saying, "Then say that kind of thing from that start!" and gasps.

Staying with the Straw Hats was making him go out of character.

**Note: In case you were wondering what kind of face Law was making, it's the "I hate bread" face from episode 629. Look it up :3**


End file.
